Find your balance in stressful times
A few days ago Russia invaded Ukraine. Many people are still left stunned, while their minds are filled with why is, how's and what now's. How can we find balance when our world is turned upside down?
Have you ever felt that overwhelming feeling of stress, excitement, or anxiety? You may have experienced a heart-wrenching event that knocked out your feet from underneath you and swept you away into a black hole? No matter how hard you tried to breathe, you couldn't and perhaps you found yourself at a loss for words.
I don't know about your reactions to stress so I can only speak for myself, but many of my reactions to life's blows formed a pattern of blaming and over thinking. I never experienced inner peace from this behaviour, and I never felt like my authentic self, which caused internal conflict in return.
Make sense of it all
Just a few days ago, Russia invaded the beautiful country, Ukraine. Many people are still left stunned, while their minds are filled with why is, how's and what now's as mothers, wives and children greet their dads, husbands, and sons at the border.
Although it is normal behaviour to an abnormal event to ask why, we can unhealthily spend weeks, months and even years to ponder over the why's. How will these questions change the current situation in Ukraine, except to take our minds captive?
From the day we are born, we are wired for harmony and relationships, a delicate balance that stems from peace, love and understanding. We need to know we are safe, that we belong and that we have a purpose.
We tend to want to make sense of the world around us, but this isn't always possible. Things don't always happen the way we want it.
Disrupted balance
When something disrupts that delicate balance, we experience stress. We may experience internal stress when we:
Can't get what we want (when we want it).
Don't know how to get it; or
Someone or something is standing in our way of getting it.
When we begin to experience stress, the frontal part (which is responsible for rational thought processes) temporarily locks down to prepare for basic survival, i.e., to fight, flight or freeze.
(Un)fortunately, we don't always get what we want, but what we need instead. I say “(un)fortunately,” because even in the devastating situations we may face, we can find ways to grow in character. Where there is growth, there is life and hope. We learn lessons over and over, but lessons are taught until they are learned and sometimes, the longer we take to learn a lesson, the harder the lesson becomes.
Sometimes our environment will not change no matter what we do, but our perspective about our situation may change our world.
Yes, we can be compassionate towards those in devastating situations, but when we over-think traumatic events, we stand the risk of developing unhealthy thought patterns. Mental well-being is essential in staying strong so we can be there for those who are suffering.
Reflect on your situation
Allow yourself to ask reflective questions, such as:
What happened when I started to feel stressed?
What thoughts went through my mind when the stressful event occurred?
Why did I think these thoughts and where could they have come from?
Is there evidence to validate my thoughts?
How can this situation serve me?
How can my character grow in this situation?
When you ask yourself questions about the validity of your thoughts, you are taking the thoughts that causes your stress captive. The more you become aware of these thoughts, the more you will be in control of your responses.
Be aware of your emotions and thoughts
We ought to be aware of the questions we ask ourselves in general, but even more so in times of crises. We can get into our head so much, that we sometimes get stuck into the past or negative situations. I agree it is hard and devastating to think of all the pain people go through sometimes and it's hard to imagine why people do the things they do. When we become aware of the ability to choose to react or respond, we become responsible for ourselves, and we create an opportunity to become empowered.
Choose your response
We can choose the way we want to experience traumatising events. In his book, Victor Frankl, who experienced 4 Nazi concentration camps, explained how there is a gap of time between a triggering event and one's response, even if it is a split second. Yes, this is hard (I also struggle with this sometimes), but practice makes us permanently better at what we do. Sometimes will be harder than others, but if we persevere and commit to what is good and right, we will make an beautiful impact.
Regain your inner balance
For you to become more secure in disrupting situations, your brain needs to be reminded that it is still in control, even if it is on a smaller scale than before.
How can you rebalance your mental well-being in times of stress? In addition to enough sleep, fresh air, healthy food, water and sunlight, the following are a few reflective questions you can ask yourself to help manage times of disruption:
How can you add value in your current situation?
Set clear objectives or goals for yourself, such as doing something fun or creative like painting.
Minimise distractions (such as social media) from your objectives and goals.
How can you empower yourself and in which areas (and do them)?
Who can you connect with and how can you connect with them?
Be transparent in what you do or say. This will minimise misunderstandings and assumptions.
Decide what and how much you read and watch and stand by your boundaries.
Inside out vs outside in
When we choose to respond, we can choose to operate inside out or outside in. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."
When we allow our external environments to influence our inner being, we live from the outside in and our moods and behaviours may become erratic and unhealthy. However, when we allow ourselves to operate out of our core values, we can begin to unconditionally accept and love those around us so we can be there for them in their adversities. We'll therefore live inside out.
In closing
I don't have it all figured out yet and I figure things out as I go along, but I wish to walk this journey with you, giving you another perspective so you may figure things out in your own best way. May you share the torch of unconditional love to those in need.
If this article blessed you, please pay it forward and share it with someone else you believe it may bless as well. Together we may be the change we want to see in this world.
Email me at linda@journeywithpassion.co.za if this article helped you in any way. I’d love to hear about it.